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Philip gave a sigh of pleasure he had never realised that all those things meant anything to him at all. At the vicarage life went on as it had always done. No piece of furniture had been moved from one place to another the Vicar ate the same things, said the same things, went for the same walk every day he had grown a little fatter, a little more silent, a little more narrow. He had become accustomed to living without his wife and missed her very little. He bickered still with Josiah Graves. Philip went to see the churchwarden. He was a little thinner, a little whiter, a little more austere he was autocratic still and still disapproved of candles on the altar. The shops had still a pleasant quaintness and Philip stood in front of that in which things useful to seamen were sold, sea boots and tarpaulins and tackle, and remembered that he had felt there in his childhood the thrill of the sea and the adventurous magic of the unknown. He could not help his heart beating at each double knock of the postman in case there might be a letter from Mildred sent on by his landlady in London but he knew that there would be none. Now that he could think it out more calmly he understood that in trying to force Mildred to love him he had been attempting the impossible. He did not know what it was that passed from a man to a woman, from a w. oman to a man, and made one of them a slave it was convenient to call it the sexual instinct but if it was no more than that, he did not understand why it should occasion so vehement an attraction to one person rather than another. It was irresistible the mind could not battle wit.ssibility of suicide presented itself to him it would be easy to get something from the hospital dispensary, and it was a comfort to think that if the worst came to the worst he had at hand means of euro cup 2018 france jersey making a painless end of himself but it was not a course that he considered seriously. When Mildred had left him to go with Griffiths his anguish euro cup 2018 france jersey had been so great that he wanted to die in order to get rid of the pain. He did not feel like that now. He remembered that the Casualty Sister had told him how people oftener did away with themselves for want of money than for want of love and he chuckled when he thought that he was an exception. He wished only that he could talk his worries over with somebody, but he could not bring himself to confess them. He was ashamed. He went on looking for work. He left his rent unpaid for three weeks, explaining to his landlady that he would get money at the end of the month she did not say anything, but pursed her lips and looked grim. When the end of the month came and she asked if it would be convenient for him to pay something on account, it made him euro cup 2018 france jersey feel very sick to say that he could not he told her he would write to his uncle and was sure to be able to settle his bill on euro cup 2018 france jersey the following euro cup 2018 france jersey Saturday. She gave no sign that she had ever seen him before. In order to see whether she had really forgotten him, when she brought his tea, he asked Well, I ope you will, Mr. Carey, because I ave my rent to pay, and I can t afford to let accounts run on. She did not speak with anger, but with determination that was rather frightening. She paused for a moment and then said If you don t pay next Saturday, I shall ave to complain to the secretary of the ospital. Have you seen my friend tonight Oh yes, that ll be all right. No, he s not been in here for some days. She looked at him for a little and glanced round the bare room. When she spoke it was without any emphasis, as though it were quite a natural thing to say. He wanted to use this as the beginning of a conversation, but he was strangely nervous and could think of nothing to say. She gave him no opportunity, but at once went away. He had no chance of saying anything till he asked for his bill. I ve got a nice ot joint downstairs, and if you like to come down to the kitchen you re welcome to a bit of dinner. Filthy weather, isn t it he said. Philip felt himself redden to the euro cup 2018 france jersey soles of his feet, and a sob caught at his throat. It was mortifying.